And furthermore, what does it mean to “waste time” anyway?

​Is watching a movie wasting time? What about sitting around enjoying a cup of tea? Taking a walk for no particular reason?
 
Or, is “wasting time” about doing something that creates the exact opposite of what you want?
 
If enjoyment is what you want, maybe watching a movie is a good use of time, as long as it’s not in excess. If peace is what you want, maybe sipping tea and taking walks are a great way to spend time.
 
And, if you want to be miserable, maybe complaining and judging and gossiping and putting yourself and others down are just what the doctor ordered.
 
But who wants to be miserable?
 
And yet, many spend time complaining and judging and gossiping and putting self and others down. When was the last time you did one of those things?
 
There’s really only one reason you would do something that creates the opposite result of what you want, and that’s not being conscious of what you are doing. Consciousness is the key.
 
You want health, but an impulse arises to eat that unhealthy food. The impulse is bothering you, and you unconsciously assume that fulfilling the impulse will make you feel better and bring you peace. The problem is, fulfilling the impulse only gives you a temporary experience of relief, and you still haven’t come closer to the real peace you are seeking... plus you are working against your health. 
 
The real peace you seek can only come from getting to know who you are beneath all the impulses. It comes from knowing that underneath all your restless energies, there is an awareness that knows the restlessness. 

That awareness is peace. Shift your home from the restlessness to that awareness, and peace is yours, because you rise above all the stories about how you need this or that to have peace. But to do that, you need to be willing to let go of the company of your own thoughts, and be truly alone.
 
This week’s reading begins-

“Vayedaber Hashem el Moshe b’har Sinai-
"Hashem spoke to Moses on Mt. Sinai…”
 
After driving my son to school in the morning, I used to return home along Skyline up in the Oakland hills, from which I can catch a glimpse of the entire East Bay and San Francisco. Seeing these cities from above is an entirely different experience from being down in them. There is a sense of peace, of wonder, of floating above the seething urban chaos.
 
It’s the same spiritually. To hear the Voice of the Divine, you have to take some time to tune out the voices of the mundane- that is, the voices of your own mind. Sinai is totally within you and available, once the movement of the mind subsides. And from Sinai comes the “Voice of the Divine”- meaning, the inner wisdom of how to live- to live without wasting time.
 
A still mind is not a waste of time, it is the end of time.
 
As the end of time, it's also the fulfillment of time. Fulfillment is completely available to you, right now, to the degree that you can open to your inner Sinai.
 
The reading goes on to say-

“Ki tavo el ha’arets… v’shavtah ha’arets Shabbat LaShem…
"When you come into the land… the land itself shall rest a Shabbat…”
 
The “land” is life itself- messy, chaotic, beautiful life itself. But, when you stop wasting time, guess what- life doesn’t take so much energy! Life itself becomes a “Shabbat”- simple, clear, straightforward.
 
Do you want simplicity? Do you want clarity? Do you want peace? Do you want a life that is wholly Shabbat?
 
Make a commitment now:
 
“I will let go of all excess thought, moment by moment. I will refrain from creating negative narratives and stand alone in the Presence of God, without the noise of the mind.”
 
Can you make this commitment?
 
The Baal Shem Tov told:
 
"Once I dreamed that I traveled to Gan Eden- the Garden of Eden- and many people went with me, chattering excitedly. But the closer I came to the Garden, the more of them disappeared, and the more quiet it became.
 
"When I finally entered Paradise, there were only a few of them left, speaking softly, with few words. But when I stood beside the Tree of Life, I looked around- and I seemed to be alone."
 
On this Shabbat Behar, The Sabbath on the Mountain, may have the courage to walk the road of true aloneness- aloneness not in the sense of being without others, but in the sense of allowing the mind to stand alone, without the constant and relentless company of thought. May we be renewed in peace and clarity-
 
Good Shabbos!

There is a Hassidic story about a certain rabbi who was leading services for Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. Yom Kippur services are very long and intense, filled with language of remorse and repentance for one’s sins. It’s also a twenty-five hour fast, so the effect is to really bring you to a state of bitul- a kind of deflating or nullification of your ego and purification from arrogance.

As this rabbi was davening (praying) with great intensity toward the climax of the service, he suddenly became overwhelmed with the realization of his own insignificance- a total dropping away of his ego. He realized with embarrassment how arrogant he had become, and before he knew what he was doing, he spontaneously cried out-

“Ribono Shel Olam! Master of the universe! I am nothing! I am nothing!”

When the hazzan- the cantor- saw him do this, he too became inspired. The sincerity of the rabbi’s cry combined with the intensity of the holy day shot through him, and he suddenly realized the same thing.

“Ribono Shel Olam! I am nothing! I am nothing!” cried the hazzan.

The truth was infectious. Suddenly, a poor congregant, Shmuyel the shoemaker, also became deeply moved and cried out as well:

“Ribono Shel Olam! I am nothing! I am nothing!”

When the hazzan saw Shmuyel’s enthusiasm, he turned to the rabbi with incredulity: “Look who thinks he’s nothing!”

Genuine spiritual transformation is real. It’s emerges from the truth of who we are, and everyone has access to it, at least potentially. But, anything that the mind can recognize and label can be coopted by the ego! One moment there is genuine humility, the next moment you want to wear the humility like some kind of badge. In an instant, you can become arrogant about being humble!

What’s the remedy?

Today is the festival of Lag Ba'Omer, the thirty-third day of the forty-nine days between Passover and Shavuot (Lag is simply the letters Lamed and Gimel which together make the number 33- Lamed is thirty, Gimel is three). Each of the forty-nine days is a permutation of the seven spiritual qualities in Kabbalah.

Today, the thirty-third day, is Hod Sheb’Hod, which we could call Humility of Humility, but we could also call it Gratitude of Humility.

What is humility?

To me, humility is not really a thing, but the absence of a thing. It’s the natural state of a person when ego, or separate self-sense, is not inflamed with arrogance or other ego qualities.

But since arrogance and other ego qualities are often present unconsciously, it can be a great and surprising relief when they drop away. The heart feels so free when the qualities of ego dissolve, and like the story, you may not have even known how much ego was there until it disappears.

But then the mind comes in a makes that freedom into a “thing,” into a badge, into something to identify with- in other words, egoless-ness becomes a form of ego.

So today, Lag b’Omer, comes along and reminds us:

If you experience egoless-ness, it’s a gift. Give thanks for it, don’t think of it as “me.” That’s Gratitude of Humility, and it’s also Humility of Humility.

Hag Samayakh and Good Shabbos!

It was Mother’s Day this past week.
 
I looked for a nice picture to post on Facebook. I found one from my birthday a couple years ago with me and my mother. I was eating some chocolate pecan pie she had made for me. (And always makes for me on my birthday- thanks Mom!)
 
After I posted it, I was looking at the picture. There was something funny about the expression on my face. Then, it struck me- the particular way I was smiling and looking into the camera looked just like my father.
 
There’s so much that’s passed on from parent to child- not just genetics, knowledge and language, but also mannerisms and patterns of behavior.
 
And some of these patterns, alas, are ones we perhaps could do without. Have you ever been critical of some behavior in your parents, and then caught yourself unconsciously acting exactly the same way?
 
And, its not their fault! Patterns of thought, speech and behavior have been passed down through the generations for ages.
 
When you become aware of this, there’s a tremendous opportunity for transforming not just your own patterns, but the patterns of those who came before you. As you awaken to your deeper potential, there’s redemption for your ancestors as well.
 
As it says in this week’s reading:
 
“Ish imo v’aviv tira’u…
“You shall revere your mother and your father…”
 
The word here for “revere”- tira’u- has the double meaning of both “revere” or “respect” as well as “fear.” In other words, you should “fear” your potential to perpetuate the negative qualities of your parents, and “revere” them by emulating their positive qualities and transforming the negative ones within yourself!
 
And this is the call of this week’s parsha- to awaken your potential for holiness- your potential for the expression of integrity, truth, compassion, gratitude, and all the other middot (spiritual qualities):
 
“Kedoshim tihyu ki kadosh ani Hashem Elohekhem…”
“You shall be holy, for I- Divine Being, your own Divinity- am holy…”
 
Holiness is intrinsic to who you are- it’s your own inner Divinity. It calls upon you to craft your garments of expression- your thoughts, words and actions- into expressions of the Truth of who you are.
 
How do you do that?
 
This parsha contains many beautiful prescriptions for expressing holiness:
 
“You shall not steal… you shall not lie… You shall not curse the deaf, nor place a stumbling block before the blind… You shall not favor the poor, nor honor the great... You shall not go around gossiping… you shall not hate others in your heart…you shall not take revenge and you shall not bear a grudge… You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
 
According to the Talmudic sage Rabbi Akiva, this last mitzvah- “Love your neighbor as you love yourself- ve’ahavta l’reiakha kamokha”- is the essence of the whole Torah.
 
But to really become aware of your unconscious negative patterns, to really get free from them and choose to embody the middot of love and integrity, there needs to be space. The suffering of life is too great for one to remain present and aware without a break from its momentum. Perhaps that’s why the verse about revering one’s parents concludes with the words:
 
“V’et Shab’totai tishmoru-
“My Sabbaths you shall guard…”
 
In the stillness, you can recover from the patterns of suffering and reconnect with your inner wellspring of holiness. From that place, you can remain open to whatever suffering arises without losing yourself in it.
 
There’s a story about Reb Mordechai Dov of Hornisteipl, that once he visited a doctor for a painful sore on his back.
 
The doctor decided the best thing to do would be to cauterize it. In those days, this would involve heating up three metal rods, each one hotter than the last.  If the patient didn’t cry out with the first hot rod, they would apply the second. And in the rare occasion the patient didn’t respond to the second one, a third super hot rod was ready.
 
The only problem was, this tzaddik was accustomed to accepting pain in silence, not losing his inner connection regardless of how much he suffered.
 
So, when the doctor applied the first hot rod and got no reaction from Reb Mordechai Dov, he went on to the second rod. Still no reaction. When he applied the third white hot rod and the tzaddik still didn’t respond, the doctor exclaimed- “I don’t know whether this is an angel or a demon!”
 
Reb Mordechai Dov didn’t understand Russian, so he asked the translator to tell him what the doctor said. When he was told, he answered:
 
“Please tell the doctor that when someone comes to me and asks that I pray on their behalf, and I see that I won’t be able to relieve their suffering with my prayers, it hurts much much more than these hot rods… and even then, I must not lose myself.”
 
On this Shabbat Kedoshim, the Sabbath of Holiness, may we become aware of our true potential and practice it in real time. May we reconnect with the Source of that potential, the infinite wellspring of holiness within- the holy awareness that looks though your eyes and hears through your ears, in this moment.